Closing Time at the Pearly Gates
Mark Rashid- March 2008
It was near closing time at the Pearly Gates
St. Peter checked his watch,
It was getting late
“Just ten more minutes”, he said with a groan,
“That’s all I got ‘fore I can go home”.
Just then he looked up, cuz he heard something weird
And through the fog, come this guy with a beard
There was a rumpled up hat, on top this fella
And holding up his pants were suspenders of yella.
He smiled at first, then laughed right out loud,
“that was quite a trip, walking through that there cloud.
I been through somethin’ like that, not long ago
when I climbed that 14er
back in Colorado
The only difference is, my feet don’t hurt,
Hey, who are you, and what’s with the skirt?
The gate keeper reared back, he was somewhat surprised,
At this gray haired fella with a twinkle in his eyes.
“My name is St. Peter, and these here are the pearly gates.”
“Well the least you could’a done
Was hang “em up straight!”
“Don’t worry there, Pete, with my level and plane
they’ll be good as new…right as rain.
It’ll take me a minute, and I’ll fix ‘em right up
Then I better get back ‘fore I miss my supp”
St. Peter shook his finger and said “hold it right there,
I think you’re confused, do you know why you’re here?”
The fella, he smiled, his eyes they did glint
“I guess I’m not sure, can you give me a hint?”
“Well you’re number came up,
from down there below, and now you’re here
but you came kinda slow,
This here’s the door that gets you to heaven,
But it’s near closing time, it’s eight to eleven.
“Holy cow, I’ll be darned, you’re kidding, you don’t say,
I often wondered if I’d make it here one day,
I guess somehow I figured you’d have a nicer floor
At any rate, how’s a fella get through that there door?”
“Well like I said, you’re here kinda late
and the next seven minutes will determine you’re fate
So tell me about you’re life”, Pete said with a grin
“And it better be good, or you ain’t getting in.”
“My life!” the man laughed, “It was one of the best!
I’ll tell you the truth, then make up the rest!
So you sit right back in that lazy boy chair
And I’ll tell you bout the time at that county fair,
when I swung me the hammer
and rung me that bell
And had me some laughs
And raised me some hell
And knew me the love of a woman so dear
And had me some friends from both far and from near
And I raised me some young’uns, and drank me some wine
And climbed me some mountains and committed no crimes
I put out some fires, and made me some too,
And bent me some nails and had me the flu.”
“I drove an old truck and shot me some hoops,
I once stubbed my toe, but built me some stoops,
I was mayor of my town, but just in my head,
And oh, did I mention that I liked my bed?”
Although it didn’t matter, cuz when I was tired I slept,
And when I played poker, sometimes I’d bet.
And sometimes I’d win and sometimes I’d loose,
And once in a while I hadn’t a clue.”
I liked the weather the seasons would bring,
And sometimes I’d go down to Pinewood Springs,
But mostly for that I’d just pass on through,
On my way to the airport, and from there I flew,
To England and Scotland and to way down under,
And then there was that time I had that blunder,
But about that I’d rather not speak,
It had to do with an old girlfriend down by a creek,
To be honest, that was so long ago,
I’m not sure that was me, or just someone I know.
I built me an outhouse, that would explode,
And whenever I could, I’d lighten the lode
Of someone who was less fortunate than I
And over the years I ate me some pie.
I told me some tales, some big and some small
And made some kids laugh, and had me a ball,
That life back there, are you kidding me?
I hiked and I snowshoed and sometimes I’d ski.
I did me my best when I lived me my life,
But you know, already I’m missing my wife,
So if’n it’s all the same to you,
I guess I’ll go back, I got things to do.
St. Peter, he smiled, and just shook his head,
He opened the gates, and then turned and said
I’d send you back if only I could
But it’s against the rules…
The man understood.
There was something there telling him this was his new home
Even though the walls, well, they looked a lot like foam
So he stepped through the gates at a minute past eleven,
And was met by two kids, one five, one seven.
He sat in a chair and they climbed on his lap,
“Could you tell us a story?”
And he let out a laugh,
And he spun them a tale that sounded so true,
That it could have actually happened, to me, or to you
Except for the part where he hid the duck in the pants
And the alligator that fell into a trance
Or the lady whose beard had grown so long,
Or the chicken who suddenly broke into song
Or the snail who could easily do advanced math
Or the old coyote who gave his children a bath.
It just wasn’t long b’fore folks gathered round,
To hear this great story by the man who’d come ‘round.
And there were titters and howling and laughters of glee,
Pete laughed so hard, we thought he would pee.
Yes it was closing time at the Pearly Gates
St. Peter checked his watch,
It had gotten late
“Just ten more minutes”, he said with a groan,
“And I would have missed this great story, I’m glad Greg is home”.